Day of celebration - end of exams

Finally the end of exam...dunno wats wrong with me...so many things on my mind...neither sad nor happy, just numb. Maybe cos i think i have done badly for all my papers. In any case, one can simply take away 20 marks from every paper (except 2001 where u have to take away 87 marks instead)...without even having to look at the script. Its that bad - just take my word. The stupid mistakes made were horrendous. Horrendously horrendous...which once again led me to question the fairness of life.

The conclusion: Life is Unfair.

Made a simulated life-n-death decision today - i've decided to move out of hall this hol! 15 May 2008...the last day for me to get kicked out of hall. Lol.

Our celebration plan today was very much delayed...all thanks to yours truly...and by stupid 179 that broke down.

Its fated...that Mingshu had to wait so long. Lol. Quite paiseh thou..cos i admit that i was the snail. Went to the 99c sushi outlet today with the Mingshu,Yee Siang and Wilson @ Jurong Sports Complex...cool! Haven't eaten sushi for such a long time!!! Actually not very long also lah...say arnd 2 weeks? Lol. But somehow, i just love sushi...and the craving is almost all the time.

Then we went to sing K at the so-called family style KTV near sch...i disagree wif the "family" cos the place is too ulu...and 'eerie'...is that the right word to use? Nobody really cared abt us...right from the moment we stepped to that place, which was considerably hard to find. Being operated by ATs...one shdnt expect any high standard either. The blackout as the circuit breaker was tripped was a mini-horrifying experience due to the weird nature of the place...can u believe we were the only customers they had? I wonder w/o us...would they reallie have zero KTV customer today? Nonetheless, despite all the cui stuff...the most non-noob happenings were that they had a time-based system and that their songs were actually quite new. New but not necessarily housing all the songs we wanted (or I wanted)...but its better than nth. Anyway, havent sung so much since the last K trip at the small Katong place. Thou i didn really sound up to standard...it was a good attempt anyway. Singing wif the pple i sang wif today was overall a fun thing.

Wanted to go bowling after that...but Mingshu had to leave early...and the place was so fully booked...so 2 games of daytona and a nice dinner at M Sq foodcourt wif Yee Siang were how we concluded our day of celebration. Cooking mama and a good nite's rest are what i need most now.

I saw him yesterday at Can5...the feeling was terrible. Pardon me for my poor english standard, i'm not able to describe my feelings with the mere limited vocab that i have. In any case, its weird and not like before. Thats when i finally stop doubting myself. I have to do sth soon.

Guai Gia got a blog

Crazy thing...how true is that?! Anyway, kudos to my dear Guai Gia #01...she finally got a blog...a pity i wasnt the first few to know...but its ok...better late than never.

Went to play badminton wif mum just now...we were so energetic during the 1st 30min...after tt we started to feel shag, and started to declare which were the serves that need not be served back. Lol. How funny! if only 2nd sis were there...it would be more fun! However, we managed to drag til 1h despite our fatigue...Anyway, my point is...i've aged! My stamina has worsened! What happened to me???

I'm disappointed with myself...especially everytime i think of the stupid EE2001 paper...I really dun understand since when i've became so stupid. Or have I never been smart before? And now...i still have an upcoming paper...but i just cant concentrate. All kinds of dumb distractions at home...DS, TV, laptop, bed...what else? Everything else! I told my mum tt i really have to go back to hall very soon...and she agreed, but the main reason is why has it become lidat? When i was still in NAS and Tj, i had no hall...why was it that i could manage to study then and not now? The problem lies in me! W-H-Y??? Damn me!

I dun understand why i'm being so negative these days...the best thing is i had to console pple around me who are sad when i am sad myself...i had to encourage pple when i'm a discouraged soul...what position am i in to be doing all those? Do i detect any bit of irony? But that doesnt mean that my consolations were all null...they came from my heart. To you who are reading my blog, i'm truly encouraging you. I know the stupid papers in ur stupid school are difficult...but i'm sure u'll still do well de :)

Maybe i'm seeing the worst of life...or i shd say the worse...cos the worst i'm sure has yet to come. Haiz...

Reminiscing

Listening to the soundtrack of Death Note...all of sudden i'm reminded of the time when i first heard the song...or rather the period of time. Was it just the start of my working life then? Or was it during Christmas last year when i hung out with Swee Hoon and crapped and sang and did stupid stuff tgther? It seems like every song in my folder gives me a special feeling...cos of the timethat is being associated. Like "Stef Sun-Yu Jian"...i can still rmb vividly the fanatic moments it caused in me and lam when we were in 3E1..."Candy Lo-Zhi Shao Zou De Bi Ni Zao"...shd be a song of early Sec 3 life...i think. I know this sounds cheeeeesy...but time really flies. Haiz.

I miss all the times in NAS and Tj. Sitting at the parade square every morning...talking or studying...it didnt really matter. Its the company we had and the nice memories it left behind. Trips to school every morning then have always been enjoyable. Even lessons (other than GP) were fun...Then someone who just completed her A-levels...in search of a part-time job...looking for nice english songs...and all sorts of fun...now someone who's withered due to exams and unnecessary stresses...sometimes i feel like crying when i hear the songs i used to listen. Life was so simple and happy then...its not like its not now. But it'll never be the same.

I'm not emo-ing...cos i dont emo. I'm just reflecting on my life.

The cui papers

Its in the midst of exams...Its the toughest period i'm going through ever...dunno why...maybe there are too many flaws and according to material science, flaws are stress concentrators. Plus the consecutive papers.

Unexpected and unhappy things happened right before the start of my 1st paper...luckily it didnt really impact much...then the worst paper in my whole life...EE2001. I hated the subject from the start...a smuch as I hated and feared circuits. 2 papers on 1 day wasnt really very encouraging as well. Anyway, I was so disappointed with myself. I thot i could do the qns...end up...i got the wrong ans. The more confident with their answers the people around me were, the more demoralised and discouraged I got. At one point i nearly felt like shutting the pple around me up. I felt so stressed and unwell...but who could undstd me? When i said i might do sth foolish...i really would...if i could surmont the courage i needed. But basically i think its the thot and the meaning behind it that counts...isnt it?

Its also the 1st time i felt the unfairness of life. I have proved that 'reaping what you sow' is an absolutely invalid and stupid statement. I dont believe i put in less effort than the people around me...but i just cant fathom why they all seemed to be doing better than me. Sacrificing my sleep and everything else just to study while others can happily sleep...the next day they come telling me you need sleep before exam...come on...i'm not an idiot. But i just cant afford to sleep early when i could make use of the time revising my lect notes.

I dunno how cui it will be for this sem...but i'm prepared for the worst. No point denying the facts.

Return of my entries

OMG! Its been almost half a year since i last blogged...i'm not sure why on earth am i making a comeback now when i should be spending my time with...my lecture notes! Lol. I know why...all because of my dear Geraldine's post abt our gathering...that served as a mini motivation. Yep! On 29 March we had a gathering...to celebrate the return of Eliza...Haha. The feeling was great of cos, esp for me since i donned my tj uniform, which i'm ever so proud of...My point is WE SEEMED TO BE STILL THE SAME despite the many changes that we know have taken place! Even the food in the hawker centre opposite tasted....the same? In any case, its cool! Haha.

Alright man, things have been changing and everything's moving on at the speed of light...no point making backdated entries cos theres just too much to be posted...maybe one day when i have the time...i might be updating this not-so-updated blog again. Haha...